Tuesday April 29
 
01:21
 
Tonight McDonald’s Called The Police On Me

Tonight McDonald’s called the police on me in Tokyo. Why? Because I asked for mayonnaise on a Big Mac.

I kid you not. I have a 30 minute video to prove it, where I’m told by McDonald’s staff that it’s “impossible” to put mayo on a Big Mac - that if I want it, I have to buy a burger which has mayo AND buy a Big Mac and then they will put that mayo on the Big Mac. When I refused, they said “wait a minute” and five minutes later, four, yes FOUR, policemen turned up.

I’ve got to work out how to upload videos onto YouTube. Almost arrested in Japan for asking for mayo on a Big Mac. It’s ridiculous.

It almost reminds me of when I was trying to buy an S11HT - the big Bic Camera in Shibuya argued and refused to allow me to return it if there was no signal at my home or office, so I couldn’t buy it there. I then went to the small Bic Camera in Shibuya and they said “Sure, no problem” and even wrote on the contract that I could return the phone in 14 days if I had a problem getting a signal. Completely ridiculous. Just like McDonald’s calling the police because I wanted mayo.

Thursday March 6
 
14:08
 
An American girl’s thoughts on why Americans want bigger knobs

I sent my American friend - a black American girl who used to live in Tokyo and had a Korean boyfriend while here - the content of my 2003 post “Do Koreans really have smaller penises than Westerners?” that I mentioned last week. I told her it reminded me of her ;)

Her reply was so funny, I have to print it in full here. Interesting she mentions India - it’s something that Steve mentioned in the comments last week (my American friend hasn’t seen the comments).

Here is her reply:

I am glad to hear recollections of me are associated with Korean penises as well. Flattering really. I like this American girl, she actually had the balls to ask a question I’m sure many people think about. I STILL need to know about Indian cocks but have yet to be provided with the opportunity to find out myself. I should just offer to drop my panties for the next attractive Indian male I come across.

You just HATE America. There are many reasons to contribute to your discovery regrading Korean/Asian penises versus American penises, I’ll contribute some of my thoughts for your American hating pompous British mind to ponder:

1) Korean and Chinese, (I’ll include Japanese as well) women JUST DO NOT tell their men that they have small penises, and choose the easier and more pleasurable alternative of sleeping around with gaijin men with more notable genitalia. That would also explain why they feel a strong need to obtain Black men with dicks of monstrous proportions.

2) American men tend to be overweight, and therefore have stomachs that hang over their cocks and gives them a smaller appearance, and also have poor blood circulation and low stamina that creates the reoccuring problem of limp dicks.

3) Americans are just power hungry, overly and unneccessarily masculine, greedy, and always want bigger, better, and stronger. This extends to the male genetalia.

4) American women are just honest and unabashedly can admit size does indeed matter.

If I can think of any more reasons I’ll be sure to let you know.

You’ve got to love this girl.

Oh, and I don’t think I HATE America. I just like to BASH it every now and then.

Thursday February 28
 
13:10
 
A Slice Of Lemon Soju History

Searching to see whether Google has picked up on the fact that I’ve started writing again, I came across a webpage with a link to one my old posts).

Curious, I re-read the post.. and it made me smile. Ahh.. those were the days in Korea ;)

Since my old blogs are no longer public, I’m going to reproduce the post again here. A piece of Lemon Soju history.

28th July 2003: Do Koreans really have smaller penises than Westerners?

A week or so ago an American girl approached Mike and I in a bar on the pretense of interviewing foreign teachers about their experiences in Korea to ask the question: Do Koreans really have smaller penises than Westerners?

You may remember I wrote about it before. Again, why she should think Mike and I would know the answer to this, I don’t know. A bit of simple active market research would have given her her answer.

Well I think I’ve have found her answer. And thankfully it didn’t even involve looking at any guys penises. Maybe she had some intuition about approaching us after all.

Every day I receive about 100 pieces of junk mail.

In that junk mail guaranteed about 20% will be adverts for Viagra or for some online pharmacy offering Viagra or for some way to add an inch to your penis.

Every single one of those junk mails has one thing in common. They all originate in America. They are all targeted towards Americans.

I’ve never seen a single email in Korean or English offering a natural or unnatural way to extend your penis, or a way to keep it up, to Koreans.

I can only draw one conclusion from this. It’s not the Koreans who have the small penises.

Now I’m sorry if that’s offensive to any Americans, but lets look at the evidence.

Every day 20 pieces of junk mail about extending or keeping limp American penises hard.

Every day no such mail about Korean knobs.

Now you could say that America is a larger country, so would generate more mails. On the other hand, Korea has the highest internet penetration (pun not intended, but I like it anyway) of any country in the world, so you would expect a lot of junk mails in Korea.

However, even ignoring internet penetration, we can see the population of the countries is irrelevant. The USA is the third largest country in the world, with a population of about 280 million. South Korea is the 25th largest country in the world, with a population of about 45 million.

So South Korea has 6 times less people. Let’s even up the junk figure by multiplying the 0 of South Korea by 6.

Still 20 v 0.

You could also say that Korea doesn’t yet have Viagra. Fine. But even before Viagra, the ratio was the same. Now the herbal cures have been replaced by Viagra.

You could say that I don’t have a specific Korean email address. But one of my emails has ’soju’ as the domain. The other is a dot com and isn’t specifically American. I have a Yahoo Hong Kong (.com.hk) email yet I don’t receive Chinese junk about small dicks, only American Junk. My friends with Korean email addresses experience the same ratio as above.

I can come to no other conclusion than Koreans don’t need Viagra or penis extensions. Maybe it’s the Kimchi working its magic again.

And I have one piece of advice for Bush. If you don’t want the world to think that your country is full of people with small limp penises, do something to stop America’s junk mail polluting the world. Something a bit more effective than what you’ve done to stop America’s pollutants polluting the world.