Tuesday July 29
 
00:12
 
Up-Skirt

From Times Online:

Here is one from the creep-ware department. Japanese tech reporter Nobuyuki Hayashi reports that Apple is equipping the new iPhone 3G models for the Japan market with a country-specific feature to stop local perverts from snapping so-called “up-skirt” or “down-blouse” photos of unsuspecting women.

Evidently, this form of “gotcha!” amateur photography is becoming an increasing problem in some public places in Japan, like on the escalators of Tokyo subway stops, Cult of Mac reports. As a result, camera phone manufacturers have been selling handsets that make a distinctive shutter sound to warn women (or, anyone nearby for that matter) that someone is taking a photo with their mobile. The first generation iPhones, however, had a silence mode that disabled this warning function. The new models, now on sale in Japan, however, “do make a sound if you take picture even when it is set to silent mode,” Hayashi writes.

In the UK and USA no sound is required because the iPhone doesn’t have a wide angle lens - the arses are just TOO GOD DAMN FAT to be captured with an iPhone.

But this is not new. In Korea and Japan all cell phones need to make a noise when taking photos. It has not been possible to up-skirt or down-blouse in Japan or Korea for a long time… not that you need to in Japan, the skirts are so damn short that no “upping” is required.

The iPhone is not available in Korea, so that is probably why it is country specific to Japan - the only country where the arses are small and sexy enough for people to WANT to photograph them secretly.

By the way, “hayashi” is “chopsticks” in Japan - so this man is called Mr Chopsticks. Lovely.

Friday May 23
 
10:42
 
Charge By Passenger Weight

American began charging $25 for a second checked bag on May 12. The $15 for a first checked bag is to go into effect June 15 — although elite frequent fliers, those paying full fare and on international flights are exempt.

Fort Worth-based American, the nation’s largest carrier, said it needs extra revenue to cover fuel costs, which it says have soared by billions of dollars in the last few years.

If American airline companies want to raise extra money to cover fuel costs, why don’t they levy a charge for the huge fat arses and stomachs of Americans?

I’m serious about this. The last time I flew NWA, I couldn’t believe the size of the people. The guy sitting across the aisle from me could barely open the seat-back table in front of him - and when he did get it open, it was pushing into his stomach. It would have been so funny if he couldn’t have eaten because he was too fat to open the table.

There is nothing worse than being stuck next to a fatty on the plane. The huge jelly arms spilling over the armrest, invading into the little bit of seat space that I have.

When I fly Korean Air or Japan Airlines or Thai, the plane is full of Asians and normal sized people. When I fly a European company, the passengers are bigger. When I fly an American company, I’m amazed the plane can get off the ground.

I already find it obscene that I should have to pay extra to carry more luggage when some fat ass weighing double my weight has to pay nothing extra for his (or her) blubber:

Fatty: 150kg + 20kg luggage.
Me: 75kg + 20kg luggage. If I want to take more luggage, I should pay.

The price of an airline ticket fee should give you a combined weight allowance - say 120kg. When you arrive at the airport, you weigh yourself and the luggage. Anything over the allowance, you pay for. That way, us normal sized people can take a decent amount of luggage on holiday, and fat people whose excessive eating causes a burden on fuel can be penalised.

Fatty: 150kg + 20kg luggage -> 50kg penalty charge.
Me: 75kg + 20kg luggage -> 25kg extra luggage allowance.

However, now we’re being asked to pay extra to check in anything? When fatty can have as much blubber as he (or she) wants? Ridiculous.

It makes my idea of the “luggage coat” even more of a winner. My reasoning is this: I can weigh what the hell I like and still fly the plane - but my luggage is limited. Enter the “luggage coat” - a huge tent like coat with space inside to pack clothes and other goodies. Think a coat with two mini rucksacks inside.

It’s a sparkling idea. American airline companies could never say to you “Are you fat or is that luggage coat sir?” - they’d be sued to the high heavens. Simply wear it. Check in. Take it off and wheel it around on a trolley while doing duty free shopping. Put it back on to board. Then take it off again and put it in the overhead luggage space when on the plane.

Rant over. Time for cake.

Sunday April 27
 
19:09
 
How Do You Get A Fat Girl Into Bed?

Piece of cake.

Thanks The Scott Mills Podcast for that joke. Unfortunately it seems not to be updating to my iTunes anymore - I hope they’ve not finished doing it, because it’s one of the funniest pieces of British comedy there is. For me, it’s like a daily injection of British Comedy Drug, and I’ll be having withdrawal symptoms if it doesn’t start working again soon. 

Tuesday March 11
 
18:28
 
How Long To Gobble Down An 8 Incher?

I found out about this from Eyal, who found out from Jil:

Bob’s BBQ has a standing offer for anyone interested, called The Wagon Wheel Challenge. If you can eat one of Bob’s Wagon Wheel Burgers (about 3 pounds total weight, price range 400 to 500 baht depending on toppings) including the french fries in under 45 minutes, Bob will put your name on the Wagon Wheel Hall of fame (a plaque on the wall of his restaurant), put your picture on his website, and knock half the price off your burger.

What’s funny here is clicking through to the website and seeing the list of people who have attempted to eat the 8 inch burger, and succeeded. There’s a Korean there. A Scotsman. Lot s of Chubby people, but some not so chubby. The longest time was 45 minutes.

45 minutes to eat a burger. Man….

But for some strange reason, it’s tempting. I do love a good burger. And it doesn’t look that big.

Americans, in their typical style, have gone one better.