Wednesday September 10
 
22:55
 
“Big Pair Of Jugs” Email Filter

My friend sent me an email about her visit to India where she said:

I quickly became a local tourist attraction with my blonde hair and boobs.

I replied back:

You think that when I go visit you in the states that it will be ok for me to go up to strangers with blonde hair and big boobs and get my photograph taken with them?

At which point the email bounced! Look at the wonderful rule her company’s email system has:

MailMarshal Rule: Anti-Spam : Block Unacceptable Language
Script Offensive Language (Basic) Triggered in Body
Expression: big boobs Triggered 1 times weighting 5
Script Offensive Language (Extensive) Triggered in Body
Expression: (big OR fine OR great OR nice OR good OR massive OR huge) FOLLOWEDBY=2 (tits OR pair of tits OR cleavage OR boobs OR pair of jugs) Triggered 1 times weighting 60

So presumably it’s ok to said “pair of tits”, “cleavage”, “boobs”, or “pair of jugs” as long as it’s not prefixed by anything good. “Crap pair of tits” would be fine – but “massive pair of tits”, that’s a no-no.

Her company is Toyota. I can only presume they’ve implemented this filter to stop the Japanese men getting all excited!

Wednesday September 10
 
16:25
 
Blasphemy

503. A Red, Red Rode. Robert Burns. The Oxford Book of English Verse.

O my luve is like a red, red rose
That’s newly sprung in June;
O my luve’s like the melodie
That’s sweetly played in tune.
As fair art thou, my bonny lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry.
Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.
And fare thee weel, my only love,
And fare thee weel, awhile!
And I will come again, my love
Tho’ it were ten thousand mile.

A Red, Red Rose by Robert Burns, 1794

Saturday September 6
 
19:13
 
N Korea’s Kim Died In 2003; Replaced By Lookalike, Says Waseda Professor

So who did I have tea with then when I visited North Korea?!

The second Kim-Koizumi summit, in 2004, lasted all of 90 minutes. Scheduled meetings with other foreign dignitaries were abruptly canceled. Kim’s retreat from the public eye was almost total. State television in October 2003 showed him touring a collective farm, but mention of the date of the visit was conspicuously absent.

Kim’s family, meanwhile, was in a state of upheaval. His wife died—of breast cancer, said official reports; assassinated, according to persistent rumors. His favorite sister, a high-ranking Communist Party official, suddenly moved to Paris. Her husband lost his post. Clearly something was afoot.

In the spring of 2006, says Shigemura, American spy satellites succeeded in photographing Kim. An analysis of the photographs led to an astonishing conclusion: Kim had grown 2.5 cm!

“Recently,” Shigemura proceeds, “someone who was in contact with a Kim family member told me he heard the family member say, ‘There’s been a promise not to decide on Kim’s successor so long as the current shogun is alive.’”

“‘Shogun’ was Kim’s nickname,” Shigemura explains “If Kim were alive, the family member would simply have said, ‘the shogun’—not ‘the current shogun.’ The stress on ‘current’ seems to suggest that the person in question is someone other than Kim Jong Il.”

Full story.

Friday September 5
 
15:20
 
What Is Going On?

187.918

No doubt it will be back up again before I can take advantage of it with my next pay check!

Wednesday September 3
 
23:40
 
Su-f’n-goi Mate

After booking flights to Australia I just found out I need a visa to go there. What is this, the dark ages?

More to the point, what about all the god-damn Aussies that are boozing about the UK on “let’s pretend to be an IT contractor” alcohol holidays that get no-questions-asked 1 year work permits – yet us Brits need to pay for a god-damn holiday visa to set foot in the country.

Bloody criminals.