Friday May 23
 
10:42
 
Charge By Passenger Weight

American began charging $25 for a second checked bag on May 12. The $15 for a first checked bag is to go into effect June 15 — although elite frequent fliers, those paying full fare and on international flights are exempt.

Fort Worth-based American, the nation’s largest carrier, said it needs extra revenue to cover fuel costs, which it says have soared by billions of dollars in the last few years.

If American airline companies want to raise extra money to cover fuel costs, why don’t they levy a charge for the huge fat arses and stomachs of Americans?

I’m serious about this. The last time I flew NWA, I couldn’t believe the size of the people. The guy sitting across the aisle from me could barely open the seat-back table in front of him - and when he did get it open, it was pushing into his stomach. It would have been so funny if he couldn’t have eaten because he was too fat to open the table.

There is nothing worse than being stuck next to a fatty on the plane. The huge jelly arms spilling over the armrest, invading into the little bit of seat space that I have.

When I fly Korean Air or Japan Airlines or Thai, the plane is full of Asians and normal sized people. When I fly a European company, the passengers are bigger. When I fly an American company, I’m amazed the plane can get off the ground.

I already find it obscene that I should have to pay extra to carry more luggage when some fat ass weighing double my weight has to pay nothing extra for his (or her) blubber:

Fatty: 150kg + 20kg luggage.
Me: 75kg + 20kg luggage. If I want to take more luggage, I should pay.

The price of an airline ticket fee should give you a combined weight allowance - say 120kg. When you arrive at the airport, you weigh yourself and the luggage. Anything over the allowance, you pay for. That way, us normal sized people can take a decent amount of luggage on holiday, and fat people whose excessive eating causes a burden on fuel can be penalised.

Fatty: 150kg + 20kg luggage -> 50kg penalty charge.
Me: 75kg + 20kg luggage -> 25kg extra luggage allowance.

However, now we’re being asked to pay extra to check in anything? When fatty can have as much blubber as he (or she) wants? Ridiculous.

It makes my idea of the “luggage coat” even more of a winner. My reasoning is this: I can weigh what the hell I like and still fly the plane - but my luggage is limited. Enter the “luggage coat” - a huge tent like coat with space inside to pack clothes and other goodies. Think a coat with two mini rucksacks inside.

It’s a sparkling idea. American airline companies could never say to you “Are you fat or is that luggage coat sir?” - they’d be sued to the high heavens. Simply wear it. Check in. Take it off and wheel it around on a trolley while doing duty free shopping. Put it back on to board. Then take it off again and put it in the overhead luggage space when on the plane.

Rant over. Time for cake.